i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize