I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
