Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
