she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
