rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
