Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
