Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
