The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So squirting runs in the family.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
