She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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