I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
