if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize