"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
