you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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