remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
