Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
