What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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