I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
