If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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