Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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