ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
