I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
