she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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