My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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