she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I cockslap morals
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
