My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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