her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
