I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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