she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
