I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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