I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
