I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We're too hungover to prance.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
