I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
