Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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