did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
