ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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