I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
