You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
