Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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