Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
