I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize