If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
