Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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