lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm too high and old for this...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
