You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
