How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
