I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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