Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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