you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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