New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The ass gains better be worth it
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