Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
