Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
