Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
