I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
