god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
