i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize