After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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