I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
