Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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