My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize