i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
