It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My bed smells like the plague
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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