I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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