so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just pee around me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
