Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize