i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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