Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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