Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
