So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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