Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
