I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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