Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
