SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize