the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
