Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
