We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
