It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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