Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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