I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
