he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
