I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
