I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
