How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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