he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
