Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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