I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
