I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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