i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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