OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
