i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
two words...techno handjob
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
