I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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