fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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