We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
