Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just cropdusted the office
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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