Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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