bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
