So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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